Girl Stories from Seattle

For all the guys who have emailed me wanting me to share more stories about my girl-related escapades, the following recap of my last two nights in Seattle is for you...

Saturday night I went out to the one full time lesbian bar in Seattle and as I walked in, immediately noticed this table of hot femmes checking me out. After about an hour of checking each other out, I finally went over and said hi. Turns out the two hottest girls (one blond and one brunette) are both professional dancers (and both swedish), so we started talking about modern dance and the next thing I knew they were demanding that I show them my best martha graham moves, which I did...to some hip hop song...in the middle of this lesbian bar with all these super butch girls with facial piercing and multi-colored hair looking at me like I was the crazy one.... At any rate, the hot dancers were duly impressed with my little modern dance show and proceeded to drag me to the dance floor promising to teach me some complicated swing moves so I can blow the kids away at my sister's wedding this fall.

It didn't take long (3 martinis at the most) before I got caught in a bit of a tug of war between the two hotties, with the brunette grabbing me and pulling me back from the blond every time the blond pulled me away to teach me a move, promising to teach me "a better one." Eventually the brunette's persistence won out and we ended up back at my hotel (after she ran off the blond and jumped in my cab uninvited). However, by the time we got there, I was totally over this girl (after spending the entire cab ride fending her off while explaining to her that I don't really like aggressive girls) and I broke it to her that she wasn't coming up to my room with me, which did not go over well at all (the recap: crazy girl clings to me all the way through the lobby begging me to let her come up to my room, then pretends to be okay with leaving before spinning on her heel and taking a flying leap onto my elevator just before the doors closed so she could get up to my floor). When she sat down in the hall on my floor and refused to leave for the tenth time, I decided to go for a little walk hoping she would be gone when I got back.

Just when I was coming back after a 30min tour of downtown seattle at 3am, this girl comes walking out, sees me and starts sprinting towards me screaming, "why are you doing this to me???" "I think I could fall in love with you!!!" "Just talk to me!!!" um, yeah, I spent the next 5mins sprinting through downtown with this girl chasing after me, screaming her case about how "amazing we could be together" until I finally got far enough ahead of her that I could dart down an alley without her seeing, which I did and stayed hidden behind a garbage can there for 20mins before I worked up the courage to check the street for any sign of her. When it seemed like the coast was clear, I worked my way back to my hotel along a totally obscure route, poking my head around each corner to check for her before I proceeded. Good times...

As for last night, I went back to the same bar (because I like to live dangerously) and ended up telling this whole story to this really cute (and seemingly sane) girl sitting next to me. When she finally stopped laughing, she insisted on buying a bourbon for each of us and invited me to move outside to the patio with her. While we were out there, this pack of girls, including a few that we had been talking to inside, stopped by to tell us they were going to another bar. The conversation quickly turned to my blog and how I had to go to Portland and do a little tour of those establishments that Portland is so famous for. I told them I had seen what Portland had to offer and wasn't impressed. After a 3min summary of all the disappointing establishments I had been to, a hottie in the back of the pack outed herself as a dancer (to the shock of her friends who had no idea) and offered to come to my hotel and give me the greatest LD of my life. Then she started rattling off in great detail all the tricks she could do (more than a few involved placement and removal of lollipops with no hands). Tough call...the smart, cute, wholesome, idealistic, law school bound girl...or your very own private dancer? In the end, I stuck with my sweet non-dancer (though I got the private dancer's number just in case) and I was glad I did because it turned out that she had some pretty fabulous tricks too...she just wasn't the kind of girl who would brag about them...